by Yaritza Macias Chavez
I already knew I could do hard things before coming to ARC. The horrors of high school and living as a teenager in the digital age has proved that many times. What I didn’t know was how much I still had to learn and push myself. I thought my hardest challenge was showing up to ARC and leaving my parents and dog for a month. I learned that I can do more hard things than I believed I could. At ARC I learned the physical strength that I am capable of, like being able to sit with my thoughts and be alone, and that through using my voice I can be part of a team. The knowledge that grew out of the challenges that I encountered really empowered me in knowing that having confidence and loving my surroundings are very important because it was a life lesson that I won’t regret.
When my mom first dropped me off, I was super excited to meet the other kids. What I didn’t know was how hard I would be pushing myself mentally and physically throughout the summer. My first challenge was the first expedition. I thought that it would be mellow and did not know how far I would have to hike. After the first day, my body was sore and I wondered, “Why did I sign up for this? This backpack is so heavy.” It felt like I had been hiking for hours and we hadn’t even reached the lake! I thought that most of my days would be spent at basecamp and did not expect all of the physical challenges. That first day hit me all at once. The stress and anxiety of leaving home and pushing my body to its limit caused me to break down. I felt very alone and did not know how to make connections with the other students. I felt like I knew less about backpacking than they did and they were better hikers than me. I did not want to open up to the instructors and was scared to communicate with them. By the end of day 1 of the expedition, I had already hit one of my lowest points of the summer. I felt like I had so many challenges ahead of me and all I wanted to do was make excuses to not keep going. Although that first day was hard and the walking was painful, the views were worth it. The pride I felt once we finished hiking was unmatched. I realized that all the complaining was inside my head and even though I felt as if I could not do it, I defied my own odds and pushed through. I realized how strong I was and that I can do hard things.
Experiencing time being alone was one of the hardest challenges I encountered. When we were left alone on solo for 24 hours, I was scared and could not rely on my group. I have never really spent a ton of time alone before and I like to be around other people. I feel like when I am alone I am nothing. When we did solos, I was terrified to be alone in a big space with no one else. I was frustrated that I had nothing to do, which made me more upset. The simplest things, like going to the bathroom, seemed so scary. It hit me that I don’t like to be alone. Once I was done with solo I was still a little upset, but I realized that being alone is not always bad. As I had time to sit with myself, I realized that once I acknowledged the fear, I had power over it. My own overthinking held too much power over myself. Sometimes it is important to spend time alone so I can learn more about myself and my own feelings. Conquering this fear made me feel proud and helped me realize that spending time alone is important.
As hard as spending time alone was, it was also hard to navigate the dynamics of the group. I am always selective of who my friends are and who to open up to. I did not know what to do in a group full of new people. We all had different ways of thinking and I was afraid to open up around people different from me. I was not interested in being friends with the other girls and liked to spend time with my sister and cousin. As we encountered group drama, I wanted to stand up for myself and speak my mind, but felt like I did not know how to. I wanted to stand up for my family, but I also had to recognize where the others were coming from and that they were hurting too. Once I learned how to open up and communicate in a respectful and productive way, I felt weight lifted from my body. I realized that it is good to share my emotions and that I can trust other people in my team. I also realized that it is okay to not have anyone think the same way. The different tricks we learned like VOEMP (Voice, Own, Empathy, and Plan) and the Feelings and Needs Chart gave me the skills to open up and speak my mind. Opening up and sharing my emotions helped not only my brain, but also my body.
After spending a month with ARC I will never say, “I can’t do it.” I know I have strength deep inside of me to rise above my fears. I learned what I am capable of physically which taught me that I should be more grateful for my body. After this summer I can proudly say that I have two strong legs that keep me going when my mind does not want to. I learned new skills and grew confidence that I will be okay alone, which makes the future seem less scary. I want to spend more time outside and appreciate this beautiful area that I am from. I learned what life is like away from home, outside the four walls of my bedroom. When I go home, I want to be more open with sharing my feelings and needs with family and friends. I know once I am out in the world and at college, I will have to use this to help me face my fears. I am proud to be a part of this community that really gets me. I am thankful that I made my choice to come to ARC. It has been a beautiful life experience that will always stay forever in my heart.