One of the greatest learning opportunities of the ARC summer immersion course is to be surrounded by a team of supportive peers while pushing through daunting physical challenges. Before participating in the 2012 course in Yosemite, Ana Aguilar hoped to achieve skills and knowledge in both the outdoors and leadership areas, and to have a memorable summer. Part of that memory is to have faced her most extreme fears during the ropes course and climbing/repelling expedition.
Fearful of her inability to pull herself through the obstacles, Ana sobbed and screamed, yet with the strength of the team behind her, she kept climbing upward, kept rappelling downward, and kept moving forward on the ropes course. Ana recalled, while rappelling, “I was so afraid due to my fear of heights. I was dangling in mid air, crying and so full of fear I began to think I couldn’t do this. Everyone was cheering me on so I just pushed myself. Once I reached the bottom I was so happy and proud of myself for what I had just done. There really aren’t any words that come close to the amazing feeling I had.”
Even though Ana came to ARC with a great deal of trepidation, she possessed a quiet, strong determination. Despite her fear about being away from the safety of her close and supportive family, Ana knew it was her last chance to participate in ARC’s summer course, and she wanted so badly to have the experience and to grow as a person.
“Being away from home was basically being away from your safe zone. It was challenging because I don’t like being away from my family. I was really shy so it was challenging for me to open up and be comfortable with the other participants but in the end I became really comfortable and open with them.”
Before ARC, Ana let fear stop her. Now, she says, “I try to do as many things as I can that I am afraid to do. I just grab all the courage I have and put the fear aside and go on with whatever it is I want to achieve.”
Ana says the main lessons she learned from participating in ARC are “not to be afraid to get out there, communication is the key to many things, and one has to believe in oneself. Then everything is possible.” After completing the ARC summer course, Ana confidently enrolled in CSU Stanislaus and began her college career.
A River to My Heart by Ana Aguilar
I am a river
Made up of tears of a mountain
One by one
The tears roll down slowly
Of happiness
Sorrow
And pain
I started off small and weak
Like a little creek
But as the tears rolled down
Gently caressing the cheeks
I got bigger,
Stronger
My body of water flowed
With such a rush
Just like my childhood,
I had to grow up quickly
With no time for the light of the warm sun,
The happiness and joy of nature,
To hit my water
And reflect
Taking up a new life style
Living with separate parents
Listening to over heard arguments
The tears
Especially
Those of my own.
Taking up a parenting role
Caring for my siblings
And mother
All new to me
I carved my way down the mountain
Leaving traces,
Leaving things in the past
Yet they stay as scars
Leaving my mark in others hearts
Leaving only the hidden pain
A shadow in my heart
In my being
In my tiny being.
All my life and my self
Scarring
Emotionally,
Mentally,
Physically.
I feel free
Yet a strong pull
Towards something bigger
Yet unknown
That pull is too strong
I just wish to slow down
Many living feed off of me
I provide life and hope
They depend on me
Stretching their roots into my water
Taking shelter within me
Just like the trees and fish
The giant and small
The old and young
They needed me.
I’m not the mother of nature
But I do act as if
I
This river, gave birth
To those living things
Big boulders and dead trees
Get in my way
Family problems
Self doubt
Pain
Loneliness
Draping over my body
A heavy weight upon me
My tears build up
And yet for some strange reason
I cannot flow through
I think I’m going to die out
Yet that’s not what I want
All the emotion is too much
Till I finally burst through those obstacles
Feeling relief
Letting myself break through
I move fast
And rapid
Since I had so much holding me back
I survived.
Just like I do every day.
I think and hope
That I am
Strong enough to push through.
In the past I’ve given up
But I give thanks
That I
Decided on keeping my life.
There’s still times
When I think it’s too much
And I want it to stop
End.
But taking my life is not the solution
Or a way out
I’ve realized that
My family are tributaries
Helping me push and reach the unknown
They bring happiness and pain
Support and love
Everything they give into me
Allows me
To grow
And become stronger
My mother being mother nature
Giving me the most
She’s the main tributary
The soil
The trees
Everything around me
She is my best friend and companion.
Giving up everything for me
and my siblings
So that we
could have a better life
Making us feel loved
And that we
Are something greater
Her reason
Later in my journey
My father became noticeable
He was always there but unheard
The thick leaves of the trees
Hiding him
muffling his voice
As I continue flowing
I listen to his song
Stronger and beautiful
Than it was before
Friends are like the whispers in the wind
Helping along the way
Constantly reminding me that
I can push through
That I will.
The way down is too far
I am scared of that journey
But I know it’s the only way
So I let myself fall
Just like I did in life
Even if it made me sad at first
I was glad that I brought happiness to others
They see me,
Now a waterfall
I’ve realized
I am
Beautiful
and strong
For the longest time
I’ve ignored
Everything in my body
In my water
Those precious tears
Of happiness and joy
Of love and care
I’ve been stuck
Far too long
On the negatives
Not on what really matters
The positives.
I treasure those tears
As a pirate treasures his gold
I see that those tears
that I’ve ignored
are what makes everything
Better
Brighter
Bearable
Worth living
As I look far ahead
I know I will become
Something bigger
Stronger
And more beautiful
With my family alongside me
I know I am unstoppable,
Beating the odds everywhere I go.
I AM a river made up of tears
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