When Karla Hernandez participated in ARC’s 24-day Summer Immersion Course in Lake Tahoe in 2014, she learned that she’s capable of doing whatever she sets her mind to, and that she can be in a new environment with strangers and make them into friends.
ARC was not Karla’s first experience of fitting into a new setting. She remembers moving to Lake Tahoe as a young child, and the daunting first day of school among strangers – unfamiliar surroundings, new language, and finding her first friend. After moving from Tijuana, Baja California, she felt shy and hidden in her new town.
In the personal poem Karla wrote during the ARC course, “Something or Nothing” she compared herself to a pond lily, used by the animals of the forest for shelter and food, but then abandoned and left in the lonely dark. She spoke of having to create a tough outer shell to protect herself from bullies who wanted to bring her down. Her gentle, giving heart had hardened from the cruel words of her classmates and so-called friends.
What Karla gained from ARC was the importance of true friends. Karla remembers “the day we were at Gilmore Lake in Desolation Wilderness. We connected with each other and that’s when we came up with [the name] JGFF (Jiātíng, Gia đình, Familia, Family). This stands for Family in all the languages of our group – Mandarin, Vietnamese, Spanish, English. We knew we had each other and we were a family. We still had our ups and downs but we knew we had each other.”
Even though learning how to pack a backpack or how to pick a campsite are two important aspects of the ARC course, for Karla the most essential takeaway was that “I should always be myself.”
Karla was able to sort through much of her personal history during the first two weeks of the course. In the final week, what emerged was the true beauty of the pond lily – a giving, smiling, loving friend to all who crossed her path.
After the summer course, Karla said, “My personality has changed. Now I don’t just try to fit in. And I don’t try to be somebody that I’m not. I trust myself. Finishing the course made me feel proud about myself.” In ARC, Karla was challenged to be herself; something that she may have forgotten how to do. It was as if the true Karla had reemerged, for the benefit of the entire ARC family.
Something or Nothing
By Karla Hernandez
I am a yellow pond lily
Bright yellow neon color
Heart shaped leaves
When people walk by me,
I get their attention
By the bright colors that I have
And how happy I always seem
When I was little I started under the water
So afraid of everything
I did not want anybody
I felt like nobody would understand me
I felt like if I let somebody else into my life
I would eventually regret it.
I always had my family around me
Protecting me and taking care of me
They are the green leaves that surround
My gentle petals
But sometimes the water gets choppy
And my parents begin to fight
When I watched their leaves sink around each other
It made me think that everyone in the world
Eventually gets hurt
Protection, that is all I need
Protection, that is all I want
Protection, that is all I have
And I thought their protection was so big,
So much that nobody could get near me
But I was wrong
I made friends with beavers and ducks who promised
To never eat my leaves
But I was blind to see
That all they did was fool with me
Animals take advantage of me
They just don’t understand that I can give them shelter
And anything they need
Awesome! Bullfrogs are coming to me
They understand the big heart that I have
And all the help I can give
I can’t stop smiling
No! Where are you guys going?
Don’t leave me just like this
I’m all by myself
It makes me feel like I’m not good enough
Just when I finally thought I was good for somebody
I need somebody
Snakes and rats are attacking me
My yellow flowers are falling into the dirty, muddy water
I cannot deal with this by myself
It’s the time of the year when everything is so dark
The time of the year when flowers die
People’s words bring me down
My family is there but they cannot do anything about it
They try and they do try so hard
But it is not enough
I’m so afraid of everything
I don’t want to be here
Wild animals keep attacking me
And they don’t stop
What do they want from me?
I’m just so confused
And their words are killing me little by little
As my petals fall one by one into cold, dirty water
All the heart that I have
And feeling I can share
Are gone and under the water
With my silent leaves
There is no other place
Where I think I can go but down
To the dark and lonely place
Deep deep under the water
People’s words have killed me so much
That now I’m nothing
I don’t even exist
And for a long, long time there are no more pond lilies to be seen
But the moon light
Starts to hit my eyes
I am alive
I had enough time to think to myself, and ask the question:
Why do these animals keep lying to me?
Oh! I get it I should act another way
Not a target for them to use
When they get near me I will attack them
That is what everyone is doing so why shouldn’t I?
This is working so much that now
Animals don’t even use me as shelter
Okay! I can deal with that
I have my friends who keep me happy and they understand
Wait a minute, this is not the real me
I have feelings for others
I love everyone who wants to come close to me
Am I strong or am I tough?
Am I something or am I nothing?
What is a pond lily anyway?